


St. Pigeonation's new student

by LullabyOfHell



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins, Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody, Shale hates pigeons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LullabyOfHell/pseuds/LullabyOfHell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moral of the story: you should always look the name of the school you're registering into before you end up surrounded by birds that you seriously hate to death.</p><p>Or, Shale really, REALLY hates pigeons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	St. Pigeonation's new student

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this; I was bored on the way home and the idea just came to me. Hope you have as much fun as I had.

Shale frowned while she looked at the ridiculously cute uniform in front of her. She hadn't been wearing nothing over her rocky body in the last... What? Thousand years or so? She couldn't remember, and honestly she did not give a fuck.

The uniform was a navy blue pleated skirt, with an over-sized short-sleeved blouse that was pristine white and had a nice green, fluffy ribbon as final touch to it. No way it would fit with her image. Not in a thousand years.

She had thought about wearing the navy and light-blue jacket zipped over her torso all the time to not look so out of place, but there was the stupid skirt to think about. She hummed, resigned; no way she would look like a normal student there, and to be honest, she didn't know why she had accepted the offer to attend in the first place.

At first it seemed something reasonable, to attend to some place where she could find something to do on a daily basis, something that would keep her occupied during years and would teach her some craft to dedicate to in the future. She wanted to so something else apart from being a killing and smashing machine, even if Queen Anora had offered to hire her as part of the security guard. She had to admit that after fighting the Archdemon things had gotten... Pretty boring. There was nothing that could compare to the thrill of the world ending and the blight taking over those puny humans.

That's when she heard about a school that teached non-human beings. At first the idea left her cold, but she started to give it some thought and found it quite intriguing. So with Leliana's help, she had sent her application and hoped for the best (or otherwise she would get another year just smashing things/people randomly, without getting nothing useful done). And that's how she ended there, inspecting the uniform and letter that she had recieved from the school and wondering 'why the everloving fuck I thought this was a good idea'.

She narrowed her eyes at the clothing before taking the letter into her hands. It wrinkled under the lightest pressure of her fingers, and she had to be very careful to not rip it in a thousand pieces while she opened it.

"To our future student Shale," started the page, all so very polite. "We're happy to inform you that you've been admitted into our selective Academy. We have sent you an uniform with this letter, and..." school rules, protocol, ettiquete... Blah blah blah. Shale skipped those paragraphs without a second glance until something catched her attention. That something being the word "human". "We would like to inform you that we're very pleased about your decision to join our Academy. Our school already counts with a human among its students and-" WHAT?! But she had joined there to be away from those slimebags! Why in the world would they-

Oh.

OH.

As she saw the word and let out a skyward scream, Shale thought that she should really have read the school's name before applying.

St. Pigeonation.

Pigeon crap indeed.

 

***

  
Leliana smiled half-heartedly while she looked at the mess that Shale had made of the inn's room.

"We could pay the bed back, you know." She said, kneeling to grab a piece of wood that had previously been the bedframe. "Amira and I have plenty to spare if you want, and we would never turn our back on a friend."

"That.won't.solve.the problem." Said Shale between gritted teeth. "I'm enrolling in a motherfucking school that has motherfucking pigeons as regular students!" Leliana exhaled deeply, trying to think of a solution that didn't end up with Shale murdering all of the staff that had approved of her application.

"You know, maybe you could cancel the application. Or simply not go. We could say that you're... Allergic to pigeons?" She offered. That would work perfectly, if it wasn't because that would imply (or more like blatantly give away) that Shale committed the mistake to not look up information about the Academy. Which, of course, was true.

"It's too late for that." She said, shaking her head. "To make things worse, I've spent all I had won in paying for this year. It's this or being Anora's guard and having to see people EVERY DAY! I don't know which is worse." Leliana could practically hear Amira's response in her head. 'Well, at least people don't go around taking a shit in your head!' She would respond energically, provoking the golem to do a Shale-smash. Thank god that her wife was distracted with Highever affairs tonight.

"That's just so inconvenient..." The bard answered worriedly. "Are you sure you haven't got any money left? Amira and I-"

"Sister, if you're trying to use that annoying things you humans call 'pity', you can have it right back." Shale said. Leliana just stopped forcing herself to smile, a little fed up with the situation.

"Look, if you really don't have another option, you should resign yourself and go." The golem snorted loudly.

"So that's your suggestion? Just stick it up and go with it?"

"Yes, why not? Do you have a better idea, perhaps?" When the golem remained silent, Leliana continued. "I thought so. Come on, maybe it won't be so bad. In my life as a bard I had to do that a lot of times, to go along with a situation that annoyed me or that I hadn't planned. Somethimes these kind of things happen, it's just life." She touched Shale's shoulder when she still didn't respond. "Come on, you may have something to learn or an opportunity to take if you study there."

Leliana's words seemed to have some positive effect; Shale righted her posture, her head tall and her eyes glowing with something that Leliana hoped was... Determination?

"Y-you may be right, sister. I have to recognize part of your speech touched me. I may have a great opportunity in that Academy..." Leliana smiled, this time genuinely, and patted the golem's shoulder.

"See? And what could it-" Before she could continue talking the golem flashed her a sadistic smile, the murderous intent in her eyes being unmistakable now.

"The opportunity to kill all pigeons."  
'So much for determination.' Thought Leliana, fed up with everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter: school antics, meeting pigeons and repressing the urge to do a Shale-smash!
> 
> This has been abandoned on my mobile for six months, but I will continue it soon, promise.


End file.
